The Growth You Need...
“The growth you need is in the work you are NOT doing.”
We denizens of the IndieWeb are all here for different reasons. Yet, I have noticed a trend in much of what we all write about. A desire to be better. Better parents, better writers, better coders, better humans. Though we all write about vastly different topics, I think this desire to be and do better undergirds much of what we all write about.
The whole point of me writing this blog is to “build a life worth re-reading” or, being better. I aim to do this through reflection, continual learning, and living with intention. I’ve gotta be honest. The past few months I have not been living up to my own ideal self. I’ve not been practicing what I preach.
Instead, I’ve been taking the easy path. Slipping back into old habits of playing Stardew while half-listening to an audiobook or watching Netflix until I fall asleep with my phone on my chest. I recently wrote about feeling like Bilbo Baggins. “Like butter scraped over too much bread.” I’ve been feeling stretched lately. Doing too much, yet also not enough. Because I have not been doing any of the things that truly matter to me.
What matters is different for everyone but for me it is making sure I’m writing, reading, and doing some kind of self-reflection. I try to do these things early in the morning before the family activates, or in the evening after the family deactivates. Yet, it's so easy to get lost in those everyday survival tasks. After those are done, I often convince myself I have done enough work for today and deserve a break, so I take that easy path. In doing so, I quickly lose sight of what matters.
“The growth you need is in the work you are NOT doing.”
My wife works for a nonprofit that focuses on substance abuse prevention. Ages ago, her organization had a speaker come in for a community mental health workshop. The kids and I tagged along for support, crafts, and free Chick-fil-A. At some point during the presentation the speaker said those words. I hurriedly typed them into Obsidian and promptly forgot about them. I stumbled across that phrase this morning in an old list of blog post ideas. It hit me like a bolt of lightning. That’s been my problem. I’ve not been growing in the direction I want because I've not been doing the work that matters.
Because I am not putting in the work, I am not seeing growth in the areas that are important to me. I've been studying, and attempting, to practice Stoic Philosophy for several years now. Those words, “the growth you need is in the work you are not doing”, embody much of what Marcus Aurelius, Seneca, Epictetus, and all the others wrote about millennia ago.
Marcus Aurelius reminds me that “Our own worth is measured by what we devote our energy to.” (Meditations, p.85.). I do not want my worth to be recognized in my acumen of playing mobile farm games or my ability to spout off random tidbits about Supernatural. I want my worth to be measured in what I provide to my family, my community and through the example I set for my employees as a leader.
They don’t have to see the work being done, they just need to see the results of that work reflected in my demeanor, my outlook and my work ethic.
Growth happens through adversity. By being uncomfortable. By doing the hard thing. I forget that sometimes. It is so much easier to take the well trodden path, but that is, quite literally, not where growth lives.
Remember: “None of us is forbidden to pursue our own good.” (Aurelius, Meditations, p. 152)
So, I’m returning to the work I’ve avoided:
- Writing
- Reading physical books
- Reflecting daily
I’ll leave you with this:
“Glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance character; and character hope.” (Romans 5: 3-5 NIV)
Note: I have the Gregory Hays translation of Marcus Aurelius' Meditations.
9/100